I don't know if any of you can sympathise with me about this plight: The Personal Statement. I have no idea who came up with this idea, but whoever did is a cretin. I have no clue how people can write about themselves in that fashion and make it sound unconceited.
I'm writing this after just finishing mine. Well, I say finished, I need to get it checked by my head of year for any corrections. Dear god, the boy across from me ahs a really deep voice for somebody of 15. It's unholy. I still have no idea why my schoool starts so early. I learn no better in the morning then I do in the afternoon. In fact, I learn more in the afternoon, except at around 12 because I seem to have gained a penchant for afternoon naps (perhaps i'm turning into a cat?)
Now the children are spraying some deoderant. Somebody save me. The youth here are moronic, bring back national service I say. Well at least for those that score under average in GCSE's that don't have a learing disability (I do not include behavioural problems in this category. Just because he is a little shit, does not mean that he can throw pencils around and get away with it!). Mmm the sweet smell of pubescant teenage boys, musk with a hint of testosterone. Yum.
Well I am waiting on the bell, so I will finish this post now. I will have to have add a picture of the day as school ahve blocked photobucket and all other vaguely useful sites. God knows why.
Au revoir mon amies.
Monday 30 November 2009
Tuesday 24 November 2009
Bushbaby at 01:20am..
It seems I have become nocturnal. Oh the endless time before I have to get up for college, which is currently in under six hours, and how better to spend my time then to blog. I should be writing an essay on child development, nevermind.
I don't actually know if anybody has read my blog, it's an odd feeling to know that people around the world could be reading this, they probably aren't and I am just being fanciful.
Sitting here, cigarette in hand and with a carton of orange juice to boot I am left to ponder the universe.
I don't know if others share a similar train of thought, but my mind seems to be drifting to love.
L.O.V.E; some of the most powerful letters in the world when strung together (similar ones could be L.O.A.T.H.I.N.G or G.E.N.O.C.I.D.E). Love is possibly the nicer of the three though. I don't know whether I like being in love. It is so much hassle. It is always pulling you in about seventy different directions and it seems to lead me to anger and jealousy. I have no idea how something that is deemed as so nice, appears to spark those emotions. Surely that is not the idea. But as it happens, love does that to me.
The reliance on one person scares me to be perfectly honest. If I trust then they hurt, I have to run again and who needs that right?
Then again, maybe it's nice to have somebody there to be with, look after you. I don't know. I'm not going to knock the fact that I am in that place. I like it. At least most of the time and I don't know what I would do without that person.
I wished my life had something more interesting to write to you about my anonymous viewers, if you do view that is.
Perhaps i'm becoming a pseudo cynic, I think i'm beginning to get the fully fledged symptoms of the disease.
Mmm, rambling and i'm beginning to twitch.
Maybe I should sleep. Maybe not. Who knows?
Photograph of the day:
Agyness Deyn with dark hair. There is something so unholy about that.
Yours sincerely,
The Secret Goldfish.
I don't actually know if anybody has read my blog, it's an odd feeling to know that people around the world could be reading this, they probably aren't and I am just being fanciful.
Sitting here, cigarette in hand and with a carton of orange juice to boot I am left to ponder the universe.
I don't know if others share a similar train of thought, but my mind seems to be drifting to love.
L.O.V.E; some of the most powerful letters in the world when strung together (similar ones could be L.O.A.T.H.I.N.G or G.E.N.O.C.I.D.E). Love is possibly the nicer of the three though. I don't know whether I like being in love. It is so much hassle. It is always pulling you in about seventy different directions and it seems to lead me to anger and jealousy. I have no idea how something that is deemed as so nice, appears to spark those emotions. Surely that is not the idea. But as it happens, love does that to me.
The reliance on one person scares me to be perfectly honest. If I trust then they hurt, I have to run again and who needs that right?
Then again, maybe it's nice to have somebody there to be with, look after you. I don't know. I'm not going to knock the fact that I am in that place. I like it. At least most of the time and I don't know what I would do without that person.
I wished my life had something more interesting to write to you about my anonymous viewers, if you do view that is.
Perhaps i'm becoming a pseudo cynic, I think i'm beginning to get the fully fledged symptoms of the disease.
Mmm, rambling and i'm beginning to twitch.
Maybe I should sleep. Maybe not. Who knows?
Photograph of the day:
Agyness Deyn with dark hair. There is something so unholy about that.
Yours sincerely,
The Secret Goldfish.
Monday 23 November 2009
Why?
Is there a way to tell when something is going to end?
Is there some sure fire sign that tells us when to leave it?
Because if so I want to know what it is, so I just know when to cut my losses and run.
This one though, this one's tricky.
How do you know when you love them more then anything?
When all you want to do is curl up with them and say nothing?
Because words aren't needed. You can enjoy the moment without saying a word and it is just enough to be with them, in that tiny piece of time because that fragment of time, is perfect. It is unbreakable and can't be replaced with anything.
When they are enough and you have nothing more in the world to want.
Your heart skips a beat just because you are next to them and it makes you want to explode. And it scares me. It scares me because this has never been like this.
I want to scream at you and kiss you. You frustrate me and interest me and make me laugh.
When everything is said and done, I think I would go back for just 1 minute. Nothing special. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just lying in your bed, listening to music, you telling me how crap my taste is, me playfully batting you away with childish blows and then just the one kiss and then smile that the game inevitably leads to, because it always does. Every single time.
I wouldn't exchange that for the world. I don't get those moments very often, they are few and far between and I don't know how long I can deal with not having them. Sometimes it hurts that you can't be around and I know it isn't your fault and you can't help it but sometimes I just need you. I don't know if you realise.
Occasionally you just feel so distant, like I don't know you and then sometimes I think I don't know you at all. It scares me and I want to run and I can't. Just because it's you and I love you. I don't think you understand how much I do.
'Nothing unusual, nothing's changed.
I'm just a little older that's all.
You know when you've found it,
There's something i've learned,
You know it when they take it away.
Something unusual,
Something strange,
Come's from nothing at all.
I'm not a miracle,
And you're not a saint,
Just another soldier on the road to no where.
Amie, come sit on my wall,
And read me a story of old,
And tell it like you still believe,
At the end of centuries,
There's a change for you and me.'
Is there some sure fire sign that tells us when to leave it?
Because if so I want to know what it is, so I just know when to cut my losses and run.
This one though, this one's tricky.
How do you know when you love them more then anything?
When all you want to do is curl up with them and say nothing?
Because words aren't needed. You can enjoy the moment without saying a word and it is just enough to be with them, in that tiny piece of time because that fragment of time, is perfect. It is unbreakable and can't be replaced with anything.
When they are enough and you have nothing more in the world to want.
Your heart skips a beat just because you are next to them and it makes you want to explode. And it scares me. It scares me because this has never been like this.
I want to scream at you and kiss you. You frustrate me and interest me and make me laugh.
When everything is said and done, I think I would go back for just 1 minute. Nothing special. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just lying in your bed, listening to music, you telling me how crap my taste is, me playfully batting you away with childish blows and then just the one kiss and then smile that the game inevitably leads to, because it always does. Every single time.
I wouldn't exchange that for the world. I don't get those moments very often, they are few and far between and I don't know how long I can deal with not having them. Sometimes it hurts that you can't be around and I know it isn't your fault and you can't help it but sometimes I just need you. I don't know if you realise.
Occasionally you just feel so distant, like I don't know you and then sometimes I think I don't know you at all. It scares me and I want to run and I can't. Just because it's you and I love you. I don't think you understand how much I do.
'Nothing unusual, nothing's changed.
I'm just a little older that's all.
You know when you've found it,
There's something i've learned,
You know it when they take it away.
Something unusual,
Something strange,
Come's from nothing at all.
I'm not a miracle,
And you're not a saint,
Just another soldier on the road to no where.
Amie, come sit on my wall,
And read me a story of old,
And tell it like you still believe,
At the end of centuries,
There's a change for you and me.'
Wednesday 18 November 2009
In 20years.
We all have our aspirations. Perhaps fame is yours, perhaps it's wealth, or maybe even happiness.
However, the main theme throughout all of these things is success. To me, success maybe the key to happiness.
No matter how much we say that all we strive for is happiness, I believe that is merely a façade to create a better image for ourselves, in the same way that when looking for a perspective partner, we say that looks don't matter. They obviously do else you would have found someone that you had connected with already surely. Perhaps the is me being cynical but it seems to make sense.
In 20years when you go to say, a school reunion, how would you like to look to your current peers? Think hard about this. Now, most of us would say that it doesn't matter what they think about you, you don't care, their opinion has no influence on your life,it is obsolete, but how many of you really mean it?
Despite the front that many people I have known put out to people, including myself, this is never the real case. Most of the time, I really could not give a damn what people thought of me but sometimes the "I don't care" attitude catches up on us. We all want to be presented as a success. To have had the career you always dreamed about and talked about in school. Maybe because this will put to rest the image that you had when you were there, if this is the case does high school really define us to people forever?
It makes me wonder what I will be known as in the future. The girl that didn't have too many friends? The odd girl that everybody knew of but never really got to know? If this is the case, I feel the need to prove to people that the girl they all thought that they knew has become a success. A published writer for a fashion magazine, a girl known to the public or the fashion elite, a girl that has completely changed what her peers thought of her. I want recognition, not fame, there is a distinct difference.
Occasionally, when I muse on this, it makes me sad. sad that I feel the need to prove myself to people but then it's not really people I need to prove myself to, I need to prove to myself that I can do it, other people would only be a bonus. It makes you think doesn't it. The transition from "When I grow up I want to be a fireman" to "When I grow up, I want to succeed, I want to show them that they were wrong when they said I couldn't". It all begs the question, what do we want? Happiness? It depends what we classify it as. We could say what we think people want to hear (I don't care about money or success as long as I'm happy) or we could all tell the truth, scream that we just want to succeed, to strive, to have the approval of people. To be able to say "fuck you" to the ones that laughed at us, that scorned us, that judged us, to only answer to ourselves.
But then again, I don't really care what people think, do I?
Picture of the day:
Purely due to the fact that I found the photo and loved it.
However, the main theme throughout all of these things is success. To me, success maybe the key to happiness.
No matter how much we say that all we strive for is happiness, I believe that is merely a façade to create a better image for ourselves, in the same way that when looking for a perspective partner, we say that looks don't matter. They obviously do else you would have found someone that you had connected with already surely. Perhaps the is me being cynical but it seems to make sense.
In 20years when you go to say, a school reunion, how would you like to look to your current peers? Think hard about this. Now, most of us would say that it doesn't matter what they think about you, you don't care, their opinion has no influence on your life,it is obsolete, but how many of you really mean it?
Despite the front that many people I have known put out to people, including myself, this is never the real case. Most of the time, I really could not give a damn what people thought of me but sometimes the "I don't care" attitude catches up on us. We all want to be presented as a success. To have had the career you always dreamed about and talked about in school. Maybe because this will put to rest the image that you had when you were there, if this is the case does high school really define us to people forever?
It makes me wonder what I will be known as in the future. The girl that didn't have too many friends? The odd girl that everybody knew of but never really got to know? If this is the case, I feel the need to prove to people that the girl they all thought that they knew has become a success. A published writer for a fashion magazine, a girl known to the public or the fashion elite, a girl that has completely changed what her peers thought of her. I want recognition, not fame, there is a distinct difference.
Occasionally, when I muse on this, it makes me sad. sad that I feel the need to prove myself to people but then it's not really people I need to prove myself to, I need to prove to myself that I can do it, other people would only be a bonus. It makes you think doesn't it. The transition from "When I grow up I want to be a fireman" to "When I grow up, I want to succeed, I want to show them that they were wrong when they said I couldn't". It all begs the question, what do we want? Happiness? It depends what we classify it as. We could say what we think people want to hear (I don't care about money or success as long as I'm happy) or we could all tell the truth, scream that we just want to succeed, to strive, to have the approval of people. To be able to say "fuck you" to the ones that laughed at us, that scorned us, that judged us, to only answer to ourselves.
But then again, I don't really care what people think, do I?
Picture of the day:
Purely due to the fact that I found the photo and loved it.
Tuesday 10 November 2009
And the weather today suggests:
The entry of a new 'blogger' into the system, closely followed by some smooth introductions and possibly a frosty reception.
Hello fine people of Blogger.com
My name is Charlie and I am here to mystify, entertain and create.
Or at least try to.
I hope you will enjoy my company as much as I will enjoy yours, you fine people.
Leaping straight into writing then, who has read the literary genius that is: Catcher In The Rye? If you haven't my name will make no sense at all to you. It holds within it, the book that is my namesake. Without it, I am just the crazy girl with an odd blog name because the name obviously in today's society dictates whether you will read my rambles(duh). However, to warn you, they will be purely rambles but if you feel like you are up for the journey into discovery and want to be accepted into my world, join me and come along.
Come on, we have a lot of ground to cover and all the time in the world.
Picture of the day:
sadly, I too prescribe to the Pattison-fantasy.
It helps me cope, we all need a release.
Hello fine people of Blogger.com
My name is Charlie and I am here to mystify, entertain and create.
Or at least try to.
I hope you will enjoy my company as much as I will enjoy yours, you fine people.
Leaping straight into writing then, who has read the literary genius that is: Catcher In The Rye? If you haven't my name will make no sense at all to you. It holds within it, the book that is my namesake. Without it, I am just the crazy girl with an odd blog name because the name obviously in today's society dictates whether you will read my rambles(duh). However, to warn you, they will be purely rambles but if you feel like you are up for the journey into discovery and want to be accepted into my world, join me and come along.
Come on, we have a lot of ground to cover and all the time in the world.
Picture of the day:
sadly, I too prescribe to the Pattison-fantasy.
It helps me cope, we all need a release.
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